标签： Diary

五一我让自己完全停下来，停掉了所有的工作，结论是——我陷入了迷失的状态中。坚信自己现在的正确性，闷头不听劝的状态。

我见过太多陷入这种状况的人，我也知道自己会陷入同样的陷阱，我曾经尽全力避免自己踏入同样的问题。但是当问题出现，我还是没能在第一时间内跳出来。

有三个环节失效了：

• 我的定期中断制度失效了，周度/月度总结没有坚持下来
• 少数思考的时间，用来思考其他人或事，而不是分析自己
• 执行力下降，或者说变懒了

对应的解决方法，在未来的Ramp期间：

• 每天都留出一小时，看书，思考或者锻炼
• 每个月强制休息一天，用来反思，订下个月计划，回顾上个月的计划完成情况
• 优先考虑自己的目标，找到目前主要问题（短板），基于这个问题去安排未来一段时间的

Writing this diary at the train going to Shenyang.

There’re 2 issues torching me today, one from work and another from my life. When the train departure, I started to think about the way to solve these issues.

for the incident of work, it looks like I can’t change the result?or the trend, so my target has been changed to, what I can learn from this disaster, can I punish the people who made a mistake, or let them pay the price.

Some lessons from this incident:

1. Leave a memo(evidence), when you realize a disaster will be caused by some idiot(s).
2. Follow the processing, whatever if you like the person or not.
3. in a working relationship, do NOT think yourself only, considering the other side, what is his benefit or response, both of them could be your risk.
4. Do not go away, when you already in a trouble, even it’s none of your business, you will be the fall guy.

after got these points, I was trying to solve my problem in life, but I can’t find a way. I complained in my Weixin friends circle, I found maybe the answer.

there are rules in work, so you can learn a lesson one time, but the rules in life, it’s not so easy, laws only define a very low standard, which you can’t do, but still, there’re a lot of things,?which are not good, but you will not be punished if you did. It may be called morality.

based on that, I can do nothing, I can’t do the same bad thing payback, I will feel guilty if I did, what I got is worry, anger, powerless.

I decide to ignore it, when I tried to do something, I didn’t get any good, so the best idea is leave them away, what I can do now, is make myself better and leave the troubled place.

the past month are really tough, as my wife said, you are not as power as you think, you are still a loser with no money. I’m not agreed with her, because negative thinking can not make you better, but I have to admit that I’m too poor to live in Beijing.

My currently target is immigration, target is Germany, I plan to improve my Deutsch level to B1 from zero, in 1 year (worst case in 18 month), it means every 4 month, I need to reach a milestone(A1, A2, B1), normally one level need 160 hours learning, I have to spent 10 hours in every week learning Deutsch. It’s a really tough target, I doubt if I could follow this strength, the most?reasonable plan is 3 days from working days, 2 hours per day, 4 hours in Saturday or Sunday. I have tried doing some gym during my business trip, I think I can insist 3 month at least, but we will see if I could do or even?better, and if my Deutsch level could follow my plan.

Every people, I’m actually talking about myself, has their gifts, my gift definitely was not relationships,?neighbors, relatives, even my wife, I can’t make things better. I need to change, be a follower in life, do not? try handle everything, spend my energy & gift in work, I will get a better situation.