I realized I have changed a lot recently, after some activities & what I felt.
I am really appreciated what currently job gave me.
I can say that I’m not the same level any more.
视野不同了，看很多事情也不同了，但是并不是说觉得自己更有力量，反而是更清楚地认识自己，和自己的能力（力量）。
之前订的目标依旧在，依旧能给我提供动力，但是作为动机来讲，弱了很多，我需要在忙完手头这些杂事后，在今年忙季到来之前给自己提供一个更完整的激励。
最近德约科维齐的签证事件成为了大新闻，其实事情不复杂，如果是一个普通人，无论是舆情和结论都会简单的很。
表达一下我的观点吧：
I spend 13 years in my last job @ZEISS, it gave me a lot to bring me up from an amateur graduate to a professional. But life isn’t always happy, there’re a lot of times I felt really bad that somebody made a mistake.
Now they’re experience memories, I want to write them down not for complain but notice myself not to do anything similar.
OK let’s start
About 2009, the second year & I reallocated to BJ from SH, my line manager forward a lot of advertisement about buying a flat, I can do nothing but ignore them as I can’t afford it. One day she asked me in the office if I had visited some of them & why not, I answer very honestly that I didn’t have money. She asked me 2 question which make me awkward – 1. What’s your salary? 2. Is it really as little as you said? One side I felt being admission by my boss, another hand I felt sad because she’s my manger who set the salary.
In 2011-2012, I got a chance of promotion. It said I will be acting the supervisor in next 6 month and I will be promoted, after the trial run. It’s a tough time that bring a brand new team from hiring, including the first time I fire a people. I start to complain to my line manager after 8 month, it’s a cold night on the road, we drink beer bought from 7-11, I knew it didn’t help as he’s waiting as same as me, I will be a supervisor if he can be the manger. Finally I got the promotion, it’s just a balance game from somebody, not I am not that good.
2014, I finish the 1 year assignment from Germany, back to China. It’s a hard time for me, I have to start everything from zero. And bad luck I suffer a lot. I lost my bag with personal laptop & iPad during exhibition, as an internal stupid mistake I have to pay money by myself. My manager want to compensate me even though she’s quitting, therefore she talk to her boss and told me he will handle it later. What I got is he haven’t say anything about it.
It’s not the first time I lost money from job, and I don’t think I need to be compensate, what I expected is somebody asked even falsely.
2016, after 6 month work with new manger, I found it’s not gonna work, between us. So I’m trying to find a new opportunity, internal or external. Finally I found a new position at sales team. Eventually there’re 2 global activities opening in Shanghai, and I was the owner, I organized everything even if I am not belong to the group theoretically. VP, who didn’t like me, knows I did my job & scarify in that weeks, but the director (boss of ex-manger) complain that I leave & refuse anybody. I knew why it comes, I would not blame who said it, because I knew how he lied as always. What I angry about the boss who I worked over 9 years choose to believe, I can understand he made this choice by benefit but not emotional, but how dare you said you are a warm leader & it’s a good team as family?
Was there my mistake for somehow? I think so. I am not good at communication, I didn’t fight for myself & I didn’t speak what I thought thoroughly. I was angry, sad but now it’s my experience memories, I am good & I can do better if I was in that same situation, as the victim or the boss.
At last, it’s a good job & company that I spend 13 years, I appreciate most time & people I worked with, even the people hurt me a lot. But somebody own me a sorry & I will never forgive it.
I was occupied by fragmental things for last months, it’s really frustrated that I didn’t get any achievement.
It’s a good lesson learnt that I should study ROI before I initialize an event. I actually did it well for long term activities, I can use the experience.
On another hand, I should make my time planned better, there’re some simple rules I am going to do in next days:
Cumulate a lot pressure from last weeks, not only works, but almost everything happened to me.
Work at Suzhou were delayed more than 6 weeks.
I realized my apartment would expired in 9/14, when it’s already 9/10.
Couldn’t get any support from anybody, even my family.
The most important, I can’t find a way to release my pressure. The reason why I’m writing here is to find how to bring me back to the normal sense.
缺少睡眠会导致判断力下降，无论如何也要保证一定量的睡眠。
谨言慎行，少说多做，注意沟通。
守住初心，守住底线。
利益面前，没有什么是一定的，但是对于一群理智的人，方向到是极好判断的。
关键时候，不要把希望放在不靠谱的人身上。
Frostpunk结束时会问通关玩家一句，但这一切值得嘛？
我没有坚持到游戏结束，因为最近，工作不允许我玩什么游戏，最近压力也超大，但是这一切值得嘛？
There’s not a simple yes or no. The world is complicated & I’m not young any more.
I made the choice when I started, I passed several challenges. I’m still the quite technician people as I did before, I don’t like to argue, I like to create great things, but the most important thing is I survived.
It’s a much more challenging situation in the next 6 month, but I believe I can survive again, thanks to the past year, I became a better person who can own my business.
去年的6月6日提了辞职，这一年过得真快啊。
忽然想记录一下两份工作的区别，在Apple的工作强度比在Zeiss大，压力也大，但是我却有种现在的生活更好的感觉，原因是什么呢？
我想应该有2点：
1.最直观的是薪酬福利，Apple作为利润率很高的企业，可以支撑高于行业水平薪酬。这个行业并不是指IT行业，而是消费电子制造业，且这个薪酬并不特指个体，而是整个部门，同样的功能苹果的雇员人数是远超其他企业的。
2.但这并不是最关键的，薪酬可以吸引人，但是不可能留住人。Apple的招聘信息的第一句往往是——Imagine what you could do here. Apple会尝试用他的价值观来影响雇员，价值观包括了太多方面，就我而言，Apple坚持的价值观里我没有反对的，有几条特别的支持，例如：辅助功能，碳中和，隐私。
当你因为工作的压力缺少睡眠，内分泌失调时，你需要的不只是看看自己的加班费到账了多少，还需要看到自己的工作到底为这个世界带来了什么。
我的白头发能让一些顾客更早的拿到心仪的产品，对我来说，是个很大的褒奖了。
最近被人说PUA了，还是被陌生人。
前段时间脑抽觉得自己可以辅导别人了，就把Linkedin脉脉下了个遍，在脉脉上加了一个陌生人，问我如何跳槽进入A家。于是我就给了些很常规的建议，介绍猎头啊，基本要求啊，大哥就要加我微信。
心想加就加吧，然后大哥就开启了问问问模式，我就想起了上学时那种问问问的同学，无时无刻不在问问题，成绩也不能说差，但也绝对算不上好。实在把我问烦了我就回了他一句：“我是觉得你有可能成为我未来的同事，所以在给你建议，但是目前看来这个可能性越来越远。”然后就不理他了。
这两天我忽然发现自己这话说得非常有问题，没有给他解释清楚，只给了结论，于是又发了很长的一个句子，大意是A是很看重执行力的，你这样只问不行动，肯定不适合这里的企业文化，good luck，又琢磨了一下，实在不想继续和他纠缠了，就顺手把微信也删了。
仔细又想了下，觉得脉脉实在太low，把脉脉也删了。
然后我就看到了这大哥发来的好友申请，备注信息是“你PUA”
我一下子就笑了出来，这个逻辑的确是没希望和我成为同事了。
以后专注自己的工作了，不浪费时间在这些平台上了。
周一倒休，上周末回家陪了孩子三天。
最近有点类似去年刚跳槽的感觉，和很多人和事的关系又要调整，我不太擅长拿捏这个模糊的边界。
自己一个人写代码，从数据库，到调用API，到UI都要自己考虑，还是用20%的工作时间加业余时间写的。
给别人内推，然后发现是个full-time，比自己还强。
拒绝了糖衣炮弹，可能太直接了吧，被人当棒槌直接忽略了。
幸好经历过了社会的毒打，这些我都能很轻松的take over了，不忘初心，整装再出发。